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First, I would like to apologize. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was unable to keep up with the unbelievable work stories that have happened this week. I was able to capture Monday’s tummy request, but I couldn’t make it back home in time to give Tuesday’s vomiting man his due. That’s right…a vomiting man.
When someone throws up at work, you can’t just mail in the story with a few puke jokes and call it a post. There are details to describe after all. There’s always more to it than just the Who’s, What’s, Where’s and Why’s. To be honest, I’m still working on the Why’s, but I’m feeling pretty good about my theory, and it has nothing to do with a bad can of Campbell’s Soup. If my work life was a sitcom, there would be a spinoff…and it would be called Boris.
Let’s pick it up at 1:00 pm on Tuesday. We were having our weekly meeting, and the attendees were still arriving. The size of the room and number of seats are always insufficient for our group, so it’s easy to see who shows up last. The closer that you sit to the door, the later that you arrived. Boris came in and sat down in the swing of the door. The next statement came from the other side of the room, and it was one of the funniest things I have ever heard during my much celebrated engineering career. (The names have been changed to protect the nauseous.) “Hey Boris, ya got something on your shirt…and it looks like puke.”
I looked over at him as he nervously scanned his clothing. He had a moderately sized splotch of something on there, but I didn’t think it was throw up. He pulled/gathered it off of his shirt, threw it away and returned to his seat. The amazing part was that it was throw up. Two questions: (1) Who attends a meeting after vomiting?; (2) Who cleans puke off of his shirt and returns to his seat like everything is cool? It’s Boris. By the way, those two questions are the opening lyrics to the Boris theme song. You heard it here first.
After 45 minutes of wondering what in the hell was going on, we all headed back to our cells. The report from Boris’ area was that the whole place stunk. Luckily I was upwind, and that’s where today’s lesson fits in. Kids, you will encounter many difficult situations in life, and approximately 75% of those situations will smell bad. I sit upwind…and that’s made all the difference.
Lost time? How about lost lunch?
I don’t know what the final verdict is on Boris. He was called into the boss’ office a few times. He didn’t show signs of being wasted or at least no new signs of being wasted. Not surprisingly he was back at work the very next day. He didn’t puke on Wednesday so our safety sign says “1 Consecutive Days Without Throwing Up.” On Thursday, we go for two.
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